Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
