But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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