I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
