I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
