I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
