just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
