No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The air taste purple.
Randomize
