i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Its about making memories worth repressing
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
