Whod you bang
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
