I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
