If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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