WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
