He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
