Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
