Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
