i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
