Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
