just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
