I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
