just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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