But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
this is an emotional support booty call
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
