Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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