Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
