And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
