First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
