Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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