I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
