the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
