When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
