just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I had to cum in my sink.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
