Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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