Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This baby is an asshole
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
