I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
