Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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