His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
