My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
