my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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