in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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