Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
