Just fell off a train. Bad.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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