i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
