Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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