So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
