the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
