i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
