somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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