I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Welp...herpes.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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