38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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