So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
