Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
