My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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