he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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