A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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